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A few typo catches
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Sabredurid330



Joined: 27 Sep 2006
Posts: 503

PostPosted: Fri Apr 20, 2007 5:43 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

No... that sounds about right. I'm reading what I expect to be there rather than what is actually there.
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Albatros
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Joined: 15 Jul 2005
Posts: 2111

PostPosted: Sat Apr 21, 2007 11:55 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

yeah Gandelle you're spot on - when I'm re-re-re-rereading something that I've written, I know what's coming, and my eyes are jumping around a lot more with my memory filling in the blanks. It's really hard to avoid that effect.
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Gandelle



Joined: 09 Oct 2005
Posts: 645

PostPosted: Sat Apr 21, 2007 3:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Guess that's why it's so important to have a great thriving community like this to catch all those slip ups you didn't notice, eh?
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Albatros
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PostPosted: Sat Apr 21, 2007 4:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Certainly one of the reasons. ::raises a glass::
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Sabredurid330



Joined: 27 Sep 2006
Posts: 503

PostPosted: Sun Apr 22, 2007 5:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
I wanted suddenly to ask M all about it, about the Whelp and the other agents, but the dwarfs presence forbad it. I sighed.


Forbad to forbade, Through the mountains, not sure which number 9 or 8.

[[hmm, both are correct actually (says the dictionary), but I like yours better. - A]]
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The Dark Canuck



Joined: 08 May 2006
Posts: 232

PostPosted: Sun Apr 22, 2007 8:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

End of the first paragraph,
"So I to

ok it fairly well in stride when M told me to hop on the back of a hippogryph so we could fly off to see the night-elves. "

Also, in what should be the start of the third paragraph:
"When Id been a young calf, Id taken a trip with my father. "
Not sure if this is necessarily grammatically correct or incorrect, but "I took a trip" sounds more natural to me.
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Exodus



Joined: 26 Feb 2006
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PostPosted: Sun Apr 22, 2007 9:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The end of this story seems more real to me now. It's a sad realization :/.
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Ulkarr



Joined: 23 Jul 2005
Posts: 598
Location: Brisbane

PostPosted: Mon Apr 23, 2007 2:22 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I don't know if its just me but when M is talking about the forest that the goblins clear cut, that the orcs helped to force the elves out of, and by the way you describe the geography, it sounds like its supposed to be Ashenvale, not Feralas. Am I right or have i read it wrong and need to read it again? Confused

Also,

"when my mentor Hoktato had told me to choose"

I think you have an extra t there. Razz
3rd para.
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Saranus



Joined: 06 Sep 2005
Posts: 836

PostPosted: Mon Apr 23, 2007 2:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

If they are flying north from Mulgore, then M shouldn't be able to point ahead to Feralas. Maybe you meant Ashenvale? Or its some quirk of Murloc history that we are yet to find out the details of?

Also, you said hippogryphs had the heads of eagles.. I always thought they were raven heads and gryphons had eagle heads.
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Amaunator



Joined: 03 Dec 2005
Posts: 2074
Location: Belgium ... innocuous but intrepid!

PostPosted: Mon Apr 23, 2007 4:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, yes. And actually, it's much worse than that:

Four legs, with horse-hooves in the back and great bird-claws in the front a body like a horse and a head like an eagle, with a long, dangerous black beak and black antlers like a stag. Its feathers shimmered in the morning light, orange and green and iridescent purple.

Cfr: A Hippogryph is an ancient, magical beast with the hindquarters of a mighty black stag and the head, wings and forelegs of a large raven. Antlers rise from its black-feathered head.

The bold text is what's not entirely kosher. I should have checked up on this earlier, really... Very Happy
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Exodus



Joined: 26 Feb 2006
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 23, 2007 8:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hmmmm, this would make wikipedia quite wrong indeed... I also wasn't sure about the description of a Tamilin, but wiki described them as the offspring of a gryphon and a horse. I'm not quite sure what that makes a gryphon though, since I had originally thought that a horse and an eagle was a gryphon.
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Sabredurid330



Joined: 27 Sep 2006
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 23, 2007 9:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think we could just cut time and have two horses and the eagle.....
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Albatros
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Joined: 15 Jul 2005
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 24, 2007 12:09 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

You guys are right - it's Ashenvale. I had this issue when I posted the chapter the first time around, and I guess I never got around to fixing it in the master file that I'm doing the rewrite from.

Who said hippogryphs look like eagles? that's just dumb.

...I cheated. I didn't want to overuse the raven image too much in one chapter... so I called him a "magnificent, dark-feathered bird of prey" or something. which isn't technically right either, since ravens are carion birds, but I like Tamilin too much to call him a carion bird. So it'll do.
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goofydude



Joined: 01 Mar 2006
Posts: 108

PostPosted: Mon May 21, 2007 12:58 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

in the latest chapter!

and a more than little puzzling.


shouldn't it be:

and more than a little puzzling.
?

[[yup. good eyes]]
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Amaunator



Joined: 03 Dec 2005
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Location: Belgium ... innocuous but intrepid!

PostPosted: Mon Jul 16, 2007 9:56 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Book II, Chapter One:

Then Id watched them stalk and kill a striped zhevra, and although Id cried and cried, when my mentor Hoktato had told me to choose from among the stealthy animals of the world years later, Id passed on the cougars that crept through the green grasses of my homeland and chosen to turn into a lion.
--> Hokato, not Hoktato Wink.

I'm reading through those chapters again to give some background on Tamilin for the Wiki.

Book II, Chapter Four:

Then I remembered the lone crow Id seen winging off after M and her griffin had plummeted to what Id thought had been her death, months earlier.
--> Something's off with this sentence. It's quite convoluted I feel Confused. I think a simple 'which' in between 'griffin' and 'had' should normally suffice.

Book II, Chapter Five:

I felt my nose go suddenly red..
--> One dot short or surplus? What say you? Very Happy
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