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Chapter XIV
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Exodus



Joined: 26 Feb 2006
Posts: 2262
Location: P-Town represent!

PostPosted: Wed Aug 23, 2006 12:58 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Kantankeris wrote:
I've always had a hard time accepting that Fang is a real Murloc. I assume his standing in the law is based around his amazing gifts for persuasion and politics, however.
Waiting on further installments.


I think you're just racist against Murlocs and can't accept that they can be just as mature and kind of heart as we can be. You sir should got to a Murloc acceptance program like Murloc Hater's Anonymous or something. MHA will do you a deal of good, not all Murlocs run around shouthing un-typable words and dropping clams all day.
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Kantankeris



Joined: 19 Aug 2006
Posts: 8
Location: Massachusetts

PostPosted: Wed Aug 23, 2006 9:02 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Exodus wrote:
Kantankeris wrote:
I've always had a hard time accepting that Fang is a real Murloc. I assume his standing in the law is based around his amazing gifts for persuasion and politics, however.
Waiting on further installments.


I think you're just racist against Murlocs and can't accept that they can be just as mature and kind of heart as we can be. You sir should got to a Murloc acceptance program like Murloc Hater's Anonymous or something. MHA will do you a deal of good, not all Murlocs run around shouthing un-typable words and dropping clams all day.


As long as there are no murlocs at the MHA. Otherwise I'm bringing my sword.
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lordmurray



Joined: 15 Nov 2005
Posts: 239

PostPosted: Fri Aug 25, 2006 10:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

i doubt there would be... unless there was a murlock with self identity issues... that could be awkward
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Albatros
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Joined: 15 Jul 2005
Posts: 2111

PostPosted: Sat Aug 26, 2006 9:04 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

The Dark Canuck wrote:
I think this should be a QUESTION FOR ALBATROS:
What criteria does The Law have for picking its agents? Does it have some form of foresight (and if so, is this certain?), etc? Why did it know to pick Horse? This is probably unanswerable (for spoiler reasons) at this time, so can you give some hints at least?

Correct, re: spoiler reasons. The Law is a mystery even to its agents - more discussion of that soon.

Saranus wrote:
I still wanna see more agents.

patience Smile
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Albatros
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Joined: 15 Jul 2005
Posts: 2111

PostPosted: Sun Aug 27, 2006 11:12 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Saranus wrote:
All that conversation with Rhy and niether of them mentioned Tidus? I was expecting her to ask when Horse talked about Orcmar.

I went back and fixed this with thirteen words. Retroactively inserting thirteen words to turn a glaring omission into something that no one will even notice is called cheating your pants off, and it's how you fool people into thinking you're good at writing. =]

I also edited Rhy's discription of her previous encounter with Arcane magic, which I hope will reduce some confusion I hadn't intended to sow.
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The Dark Canuck



Joined: 08 May 2006
Posts: 232

PostPosted: Mon Aug 28, 2006 1:27 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Albatros: the new work doesn't fit so well with the rest of the story. The parts about Horse's conversation with Rhy regarding Tidus appear as if they were shoved in at a later edit, rather than fitting seamlessly. I suggest you group the stuff about Orcmar and Tidus into a single "section" (succeeding phrases or sentences), and the stuff about Rocktusk into a second section. This would help things flow.
That's the simpler solution. You could also have him realise that he had completely forgotten about Tidus, and use this to have him reflect on how distant that past seems to him, to again reinforce how much he has changed (if this isn't excessive from other moments of introspection). Then it would be easier to flow into the New Rocktusk topic.
Anyways, that's my thoughts. Good luck with all the moving and settling.
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