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Punishment

 
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The Dark Canuck



Joined: 08 May 2006
Posts: 232

PostPosted: Thu May 25, 2006 3:06 pm    Post subject: Punishment Reply with quote

Excellent new short, Albatros. Definitely worth waiting for.
You misspelled "Punishment" on the front page twice, though.
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Onokos



Joined: 24 Apr 2006
Posts: 1933
Location: central FL

PostPosted: Thu May 25, 2006 5:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Great job on the short, and a terrific twist. I never considered Kelkar killing himself. I thought that either Horse had killed him out of self defense or that the Council struck him down. I guess it all makes sense now, that Kelkar was ashamed that in failing the rite Horse showed more honor than any of the guild. That the newest member held truer to their ideals than themselves. I guess that's also why he gave the money to Horse, that his guild no longer deserved it.

I think that comments have been made here in this forum that Horse was a cowardly hero until recently. That he always ran away from his problems rather than face them. But that could not be farther from the truth. He's been led this way ever since he was young, when he had that dream that inspired him to run away. Not being old enough to know better, and certainly not satisfied with his current situation, he obeyed. Once in Orcmar it appears that he tries to help out until he runs into the Revenge. He joins when faced with death, and tries to piece his life back together. When faced with murdering a helpless innocent, he stands up to his guild (at great risk to his own life) and refuses to give into the peer pressure. The leader hesitates when he realizes how much courage and honor it took for Horse to go against the grain. The resulting internal conflict drives Kelkar to kill himself and give the guild's resources to Horse (in doing so, he implies that Horse should run away). Horse knows that returning to the Revenge with its money (which they don't even know is gone) and without its leader is suicide. Besides, he could tell that the attitude of the guild had turned against him. He tries his luck in the next town, where the Law steps in once again. We'll have to wait for a few more shorts to confirm this. But it looks as though Horse couldn't really have changed anything along the way and still be alive.
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"I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do the something that I can do. What I can do, I should do. And what I should do, by the grace of God, I will do." --Edward Everett Hale
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Aidinthel



Joined: 13 Mar 2006
Posts: 3145
Location: a series of lairs, each more secret than the last

PostPosted: Thu May 25, 2006 5:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Onokos wrote:
it looks as though Horse couldn't really have changed anything along the way and still be alive.
Yea, no point in being brave if the only result is that you die.
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I never nuked anything that didn't stop being an immediate problem.
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Onokos



Joined: 24 Apr 2006
Posts: 1933
Location: central FL

PostPosted: Thu May 25, 2006 6:02 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, fighting and dieing for what you believe in is one thing. But Horse doesn't know what to believe or who to trust, so he just tries to survive. Things will soon get very interesting ...
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"I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do the something that I can do. What I can do, I should do. And what I should do, by the grace of God, I will do." --Edward Everett Hale
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Amaunator



Joined: 03 Dec 2005
Posts: 2074
Location: Belgium ... innocuous but intrepid!

PostPosted: Thu May 25, 2006 6:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Aidinthel wrote:
Onokos wrote:
it looks as though Horse couldn't really have changed anything along the way and still be alive.
Yea, no point in being brave if the only result is that you die.


I'd phrase it a little differently, Aid:

No point in trying to make a difference in a place where you're unable to. Rather move on and try to make a difference there.

Very good synopsys, Onokos Smile.
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Onokos



Joined: 24 Apr 2006
Posts: 1933
Location: central FL

PostPosted: Thu May 25, 2006 6:09 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Au contraie (I think that's how it's spelled), I think that you explained it very well. But anyways, you both get the point and that's what matters. Smile
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"I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do the something that I can do. What I can do, I should do. And what I should do, by the grace of God, I will do." --Edward Everett Hale
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Amaunator



Joined: 03 Dec 2005
Posts: 2074
Location: Belgium ... innocuous but intrepid!

PostPosted: Thu May 25, 2006 6:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Au contraire* Wink

On the contrary
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Starch



Joined: 18 May 2006
Posts: 6

PostPosted: Thu May 25, 2006 7:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Amaunator wrote:
Au contraire* Wink

On the contrary


hup hup pip pip and all that good stuff.

On a slightly different note: wow, levels upon levels.
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Albatros
Site Admin


Joined: 15 Jul 2005
Posts: 2111

PostPosted: Thu May 25, 2006 9:55 pm    Post subject: Re: Punishment Reply with quote

The Dark Canuck wrote:
Excellent new short, Albatros. Definitely worth waiting for.
You misspelled "Punishment" on the front page twice, though.


son of a MONKEY! I caught that everywhere else - including twice in the story itself. I only had ten minutes and a CD-R to make the post from my internet-less computer to a live terminal, and I guess that one - the FRONT PAGE - got missed. life = insanity and spelling is a low priority function to maintain. I'll fix that whenever I get to sit down at a computer with site-editing capabilities.

well said, onok. he's got a few more years in orcmar before he leaves, but certainly he ain't ever going back to the slum canyons...


Last edited by Albatros on Fri May 26, 2006 10:56 am; edited 1 time in total
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Starch



Joined: 18 May 2006
Posts: 6

PostPosted: Fri May 26, 2006 8:00 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yah, when I read the name on the front page the first time I expected the story to be filled with bad puns - hence the punishment (the one we would experience ourselves!) Razz
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Slashtrain



Joined: 15 Sep 2005
Posts: 900
Location: El Pueblo de Nuestra Señora la Reina de los Ángeles del Río de Porciúncula

PostPosted: Fri May 26, 2006 8:02 am    Post subject: Re: Punishment Reply with quote

Albatros wrote:
son of a HERRING!


omg he cussed. the great bird cussed! oh well, not like it matters these days.

great entry, loved it.
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goofydude



Joined: 01 Mar 2006
Posts: 108

PostPosted: Sat May 27, 2006 9:17 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Onokos wrote:
Great job on the short, and a terrific twist. I never considered Kelkar killing himself. I thought that either Horse had killed him out of self defense or that the Council struck him down. I guess it all makes sense now, that Kelkar was ashamed that in failing the rite Horse showed more honor than any of the guild. That the newest member held truer to their ideals than themselves. I guess that's also why he gave the money to Horse, that his guild no longer deserved it.

I think that comments have been made here in this forum that Horse was a cowardly hero until recently. That he always ran away from his problems rather than face them. But that could not be farther from the truth. He's been led this way ever since he was young, when he had that dream that inspired him to run away. Not being old enough to know better, and certainly not satisfied with his current situation, he obeyed. Once in Orcmar it appears that he tries to help out until he runs into the Revenge. He joins when faced with death, and tries to piece his life back together. When faced with murdering a helpless innocent, he stands up to his guild (at great risk to his own life) and refuses to give into the peer pressure. The leader hesitates when he realizes how much courage and honor it took for Horse to go against the grain. The resulting internal conflict drives Kelkar to kill himself and give the guild's resources to Horse (in doing so, he implies that Horse should run away). Horse knows that returning to the Revenge with its money (which they don't even know is gone) and without its leader is suicide. Besides, he could tell that the attitude of the guild had turned against him. He tries his luck in the next town, where the Law steps in once again. We'll have to wait for a few more shorts to confirm this. But it looks as though Horse couldn't really have changed anything along the way and still be alive.


I will not tolerate sypathy for this cowardly mule, what are you a cow hugger?
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Onokos



Joined: 24 Apr 2006
Posts: 1933
Location: central FL

PostPosted: Sat May 27, 2006 5:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, put it this way ... when I rolled my one Horde character, what race do you think it was? Wink

And it's ok Albatros. We know what a bad week you've had. I'm actually glad said typos were on the front page (I didn't even notice them) rather than in the story itself. Marvelously written, I might add. Smile
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"I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do the something that I can do. What I can do, I should do. And what I should do, by the grace of God, I will do." --Edward Everett Hale
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