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The Life and Fast Times of Durgen Tharlak
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Onokos



Joined: 24 Apr 2006
Posts: 1933
Location: central FL

PostPosted: Mon Dec 18, 2006 11:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Glad to hear that you have a vision for this story. Make sure to point out in a new post when you edit the first post.
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"I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do the something that I can do. What I can do, I should do. And what I should do, by the grace of God, I will do." --Edward Everett Hale
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Saranus



Joined: 06 Sep 2005
Posts: 836

PostPosted: Tue Dec 19, 2006 1:02 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Albatros wrote:
horray! that's a great feeling when it all comes together, isn't it? Smile


You bet! Wink

Prologue Posted! I still think it needs a little more polish though.
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Exodus



Joined: 26 Feb 2006
Posts: 2262
Location: P-Town represent!

PostPosted: Tue Dec 19, 2006 1:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
The dull background roar of the Veiled Sea dampened all noise slightly.


I think you should take out 'slightly.' It just doesn't seem to fit. Dampening already implies the slightly part and it's just somewhat awkward to read it like that. Also, this sentence (after a few rereadings) could probably use a little rearanging. It's good as it is right now but it seems that if you changed it to something like "The Veiled Sea's dull roar dampened the world," replacing the word 'world' with something that would fit better in the context.

Some might argue that you wouldn't even need to write about the dull roar dampening sound because many people would be shown that, and thus wouldn't need to be told that, but at present I can't quite think of a way to do that.

I'm rereading the whole story as of now, great addition.

Edit: completely reread the whole thing, great, great story. I still hold to my above comment about that one sentance...
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Last edited by Exodus on Tue Dec 19, 2006 2:57 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Saranus



Joined: 06 Sep 2005
Posts: 836

PostPosted: Tue Dec 19, 2006 2:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ok, I added italics where they should have been. Some of it should make some more sense now.
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Fat squirrel



Joined: 23 Aug 2005
Posts: 347
Location: A splendid place with a delightful selection of delectable dishes.

PostPosted: Fri Dec 29, 2006 1:23 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

no more story...? Crying or Very sad
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Saranus



Joined: 06 Sep 2005
Posts: 836

PostPosted: Wed Mar 07, 2007 3:41 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Lorso rose to his feet, looking at Durgen. "The one thing I know for sure is that you are destined for great things, friend. Only time will tell what those things are."

Subir was helped to his feet next by Lorso. He looked to the east, "Unfortunatly, now is not the time because we dont have enough of it at the moment. We need to move. The sun is not far away."

Gurda, Grull, and Dubu rose to their feet as well. With a flick of her wrist, the fire hissed out of existance and the charcoal was coated in a sparkling shroud of frost. She whistled up into the trees and the two roosted wyverns swooped down and began sniffing the furbolgs with great interest. They seemed especially fond of Dubu, who seemed equally comfortable with them.

Durgen stood last and watched as Gurda snuck the short distance up to the road and looked both ways. She turned and gestured for the rest to follow them.

They quickly crossed the road and descended into the forest on the other side. Durgen found himself half running, half stumbling down a steep hill behind the others. He tripped over a root and landed hard on the forest floor. As he brushed himself off, his wyvern was looking at him in with a look in its eyes that Durgen swore was smugness.

The terrain had levelled out into a basin. Subir, with Lorso close on his right led the way, wending a path through the dense undergrowth. After nearly an hour, the sun dawned to their left sending shafts of clean, pearly light filtering sideways through the trees.

After another hour, Subir raised a paw, signalling the party to stop, "I have to warn you, we're nearly there. Come."

A few more minutes of quiet walking brought them to within several yards of a low clearing. Subir nodded at Dubu who went to the wyverns and whispered in each of their ears. They looked at him with intelligent, unblinking eyes for a moment then launched themselves into the trees.

"I hope you don't mind," said Dubu, "They might be something of a liability in the village."

Durgen was about to ask, What village? when they came to the edge of the clearing and Durgen saw for himself. Strewn all around the large clearing were several dozen thick Ashenvale tree trunks, laid sideways and hollowed out. Windows and doors were carved into the sides of the logs, and many had awnings from which hung various trinkets and totems.

Scattered throughout the village were what looked to be over a hundred furbolgs. Some lay or sat on the ground, licking and crunching the remains of some old meal. Others were sitting in or near the log-huts. Still more of the furbolgs were listlessly clawing the nearest piece of wood with their forepaws. Some wandered aimlessly about the clearing, peering uncaringly around at their surroundings.

Durgen could see that none of the furbolgs had soft shining fur like his compainions did. The furbolgs of the village had dark fur that was clumped over their bodies by years of non-washing. Their eyes were dull and lifeless and and their faces lacked the intelligence and depth that Durgen saw in his friends'. The fur on their faces and necks was matted with mucus, slobber and an angry green discharge from their eyes.

Subir bowed his head sadly, "These are our brethren. This is what remains of Greenpaw Village."
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Aidinthel



Joined: 13 Mar 2006
Posts: 3145
Location: a series of lairs, each more secret than the last

PostPosted: Wed Mar 07, 2007 6:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

YES!!! The return of another dead story!
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Exodus



Joined: 26 Feb 2006
Posts: 2262
Location: P-Town represent!

PostPosted: Wed Mar 07, 2007 9:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

It's like Dawn of the Dead, except with stories! Now all we need is /train and we're back on track!
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Saranus



Joined: 06 Sep 2005
Posts: 836

PostPosted: Sun Apr 29, 2007 9:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The furbolgs and Gurda, led by Subir, stepped forward and began walking into the midst of the decrepit village. Durgen hesitated at the edge of the clearing.

"Wait," he said. They stopped and turned, Subir looked at him expectantly, Gurda with slight annoyance. "Er.. It's okay for us to just walk through here?" Durgen looked nervously at the diseased bear-men.

"They are languid and catatonic. They should do us no harm I'm afraid," said Subir in a voice that was undecided between relief and despair at the knowledge, "The Greenpaw were once gentle and noble, yet fierce when aroused in the protection their own. This is what they have become."

A deep growl rumbled up from the pit of Lorso's belly. "Rrr-and we are here to find the mhromors who did this to my brethren." The other furbolgs cast their eyes to the ground and muttered silent oaths. Durgen guessed that mhromor was some sort of dire furbolg insult.

"Come," said Subir and the rest came without a spoken word. Durgen wondered what it must feel like for one's own people to be enslaved and degraded by an evil curse. With a shock, he realized that the same thing had happened to the orcs. The Demon's blood had enthralled them all. But that was before Durgen's time.

He was one of the first orcs born in freedom, under the rule of the new Warchief as Durgen and his fellow students were constantly reminded in Academy. You are the first generation of a new age. What will you do with the destiny that your fathers and your Warchief have bought for you with their blood and tears?

They passed the first of the furbolg huts and breathed easy when the seated ursines did nothing more than stare blankly at them and slobber. "This place stinks of demon," said Dubu with a sneer.

Durgen had never felt it though. "Strength and honor" was the creed of the orcs, yet Durgen felt niether strong nor honorable. Just confused mostly. He looked at Gurda. She was much older than him. She must know the fierce pride of being free from bondage. The resounding thrill of having a land that was whole and bountiful and not broken. One that could be called her own.

Durgen felt sudden empathy for the furbolgs lying and sitting in a stupor around him. Pawns in some massive game. How did their hebetude serve the nefarious ends of whatever evil created them? It didn't, Durgen concluded. They destroyed the Greenpaw's peaceful way of life on a whim. Not even a whim, a delightful accident of the demons' corruption. Durgen felt a hotness in his breast that he had never felt before.

"This is the worst sort of evil," he muttered without really meaning to. The furbolgs nodded. Gurda turned and looked at him quizzically. He looked up into her eyes, and she saw what was in them. She gave him a sad smile and a nod, "I know."

Suddenly, quick as a flash, one of the afflicted furbolgs by whom Lorso had passed too near, latched onto his arm. Then, quicker than a flash, the massive Ursa struck the sick furbolg aside the head with his massive paw. Durgen's body jerked involuntarily and Subir cried out at the sound of the snapping neck.

The furbolg slid limply from Lorso's arm. Tears replaced the sudden rage which had filled the big bear's eyes. He slumped to the ground next to the corpse. He cradled the furbolg's head in his tree-trunk arms and wept aloud. Grull and Dubu looked deflated. Subir bowed his head. The other furbolgs in the village seemed not even to notice.

They were silent for a moment, and a slight breeze came from the southeast. Dubu's snout snapped upright and faced the direction of the wind. A few sniffs later he spat on the ground, "Satyrs! I think it is the time our brothers were avenged!"
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Aidinthel



Joined: 13 Mar 2006
Posts: 3145
Location: a series of lairs, each more secret than the last

PostPosted: Sun Apr 29, 2007 11:09 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

*looks up* Hey! Saranus is posting again!
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GermanGuestNowComfy



Joined: 27 Sep 2005
Posts: 61

PostPosted: Tue May 01, 2007 8:39 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

*cheer* Very Happy
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Aidinthel



Joined: 13 Mar 2006
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Location: a series of lairs, each more secret than the last

PostPosted: Tue May 01, 2007 6:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

GermanGuestNowComfy wrote:
*cheer* Very Happy
For that matter, where have you been?
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GermanGuestNowComfy



Joined: 27 Sep 2005
Posts: 61

PostPosted: Sat Jun 30, 2007 5:08 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Aidinthel wrote:
GermanGuestNowComfy wrote:
*cheer* Very Happy
For that matter, where have you been?


Well, as you can see...absent. Confused

I really thought things would quiet down a little after finishing my thesis in May, but that seems to have been quite a misconception. Now the last two exams are only a few weeks ahead and I'm also planning for a research/visiting old friends/planning for a Ph.D.-project-stint in Costa Rica in autumn, starting to look for a job, trying to arrange myself into a new relationship, recovering from the RSI too much writing at the end of the thesis gave me and might even give my first own university-course the next semester. And last but not least, it's summer (okay, a rainy summer up until now, but summer nonetheless) in Berlin. Altogether this leaves awfully little time for the Murloc and Albatros-Bitting in general. You can bet I've been itching to join the forum-rpg and read all the new stories that have emerged here. Sad

But I assure you I haven't forgotten the murloc & company and at least, life isn't boring. Wink
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Albatros
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Joined: 15 Jul 2005
Posts: 2111

PostPosted: Tue Sep 04, 2007 5:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Saranus - I'm unstickying this again for the time being. As per procedure I'll sticky it again whenever you get a chance to update. (Feel free to can this message.)
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