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Joined: 04 Jul 2007
Posts: 153
Location: Star Dragon Tower

PostPosted: Sat Dec 20, 2008 10:56 am    Post subject: Reply with quote


The gray scales were laid out before the Greenleaf throne, heralding a coming sight for the assembled couriers and ambassadors all. The Great King Everros gazed down on these scales of telling, situated atop a great wooden pedestal in his palace atop the greatest oak in all the forest. A small oak sapling was laid on one side, while a man-crafted arrowhead was settled upon the other. The King of all Fae gazed down upon the scales, his ashen gray face betraying no emotion, but his pace of breath giving away his growing anticipation.

The scales were an ancient device, an oracle for what was to come, as the weight of natures might would always outweigh the blind power of man. The annointed minute passed; the Kings gaze did not shift. Then, with an audible gasp, the arrowhead dipped down to the ground like a withering flower. Such a telling meant only doom for the forest, known to the world of men as The Great Vast Forest, or simply The Vast.

"Bring me my messengers of fast speed and fleet foot!", the King shouted after a moment of hesitation.

The sudden noise made the court jump as the silence of dread was broken. Two thin male elves, dressed in naught but a loincloth of leaves, came forth at once, trailing a scent of flowers in their wake. Were they walked all the assembly parted, whether noble or common-folk.

They stopped a mere three paces from the Greenleaf throne, instantly going to one knee, their eyes cast to the clean wooden floor. Silence reigned once more as the King drew from a nearby table of Air a pair of scrolls, written a century in advance if such a thing as this were to happen. He handed the scrolls to each messenger, and then, touching each on his head with a small dilapidated branch, whispered some eldritch words of power.

Both messengers glowed a soft blue, the color of Fae Royalty, before the color faded and they stood. Without a word or a gesture they turned about and made their way to their twin objectives. So urgent was their mission that mere honorifics and gestures of respect could not be bothered with.

Taking a seat on the Greenleaf throne once more, King Everros spoke:
" a dim day for the Rising Court. The scales do not lie in their foretelling. This doom comes soon, yet we may yet try to resist it, and we must remember that this heralds a 'threat', and not an 'outcome'. To every threat there must come opposition. My days as Fae 'Hero' are fading; I look to the new blood among us in this endeavour."

The King paused, the Court faced him with expectant faces. A twilight nexus of destiny was gathering here, a call being crafted for new Heroes to defeat the threat of fire and blind power.

"We must resist! We must fight this! I will not stand by and let fate decide our course. I look to you all for guidance and aid in this coming war. Go now! Go, and prepare your great houses for the dances of strife!"

Magic was already being woven to form great gates in the branches of the Greenleaf Oak; and through these gates nobles were rushing through to their various cities and Houses. The King rested then, letting his mind fall back on his throne, his great black beard spilling down the front of his great blue robe. The plans had been made, and what little rest the King could get now would be a godsend in the coming days of preperations and gatherings.

The King knew one thing of this threat; it would not last. As long as the Faerie Folk stood against the blindness of man, wonders became commonplace and destiny was wrought in full. As long as they stayed united, anything was possible.
~Man is felled by his own design~

Samej Arkanus-Poet, Scholar, Archmage
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Joined: 03 Dec 2005
Posts: 2074
Location: Belgium ... innocuous but intrepid!

PostPosted: Sun Dec 21, 2008 10:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well well... Let's see here...

Little iffy thingies first!

The outer edge of the Forest
--> Why is 'forest' capitalised?

Also I instantly feel that your style is véry rich. I don't mind too much just yet, but let's see if it doesn't weary Wink. Have to take all that into account, you know. Having a great written story is useless if people can't be bothered to read it to the end ^^.

the green pack resting like a wanted burden
--> 'wanton' instead of 'wanted'?

apathetic to the figures sadness.
--> 'figure's'

framed by a long pale yellow hair
--> 'a hair'? Only one hair?

before turning 'round
--> You know, you cán use this in dialogue, but not in narrative! Writing ' 'round' might have just taken more out of your time than just writing around anyway!

he had lived amongst natures most wondrous fantasies for countless decades
--> 'nature's'

weapons found amongst the ruins of powers folly
--> 'power's'

leather skinned from the terrible beats of yore
--> 'bears' maybe?

I like the prologue. Sets a good tone, not too purple just yet Wink.

I'll continue on with what I guess is the first chapter?

as the weight of natures might would always outweigh the blind power of man
--> 'nature's'

the Kings gaze did not shift
--> 'King's', and usually you wouldn't need the capital. Because kings are not like Gods. Wink This counts for all the mentions of 'the king', as well.

Right, my next post is going to be a cursory overview of the Possessive case! You've had it coming, mister! Time for some grammar

"Bring me my messengers of fast speed and fleet foot!",
--> You don't need that comma at the end there. And though boisterously the language be, it could do with more suavity?

Were they walked all the assembly parted
--> 'Where'

yet we may yet try to resist it
--> Too many yet's!

Hmm, interesting start.
I'll be back for that lesson on the possessive case to-morrow, young whippersnapper...
the sun may melt the rain
may rinse the sky may sink
the clouds may meet the dirt
may drop your heart may heal

feelings of love you love
fluttering hearts you hate
revealing souls you love
breaking spirits you hate that

the sun...
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