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Fire Of My Heart

 
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Moorea



Joined: 23 Mar 2007
Posts: 383
Location: Hong Kong

PostPosted: Sat Aug 18, 2007 9:29 am    Post subject: Fire Of My Heart Reply with quote

This is my experiment with a certain POV that Hemingway made famous, but obviously is quite difficult to use and not to everyone's taste. Truthfully, I didn't like the Hemingway short stories written this way, and I don't particularly think that I have done any better, which is why I'm posting it for ya'll to deconstruct. This one fell under the short-short story (500 or less) category for the recent Blizzcon ticket writing contest, but I submitted mine for non-competing as obviously I can't fly over from Hong Kong Crying or Very sad However, after reading the other entries, I agree that this story doesn't hold a candle compared to the winners anyways. Some of you may recognize where this story idea came from.
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FIRE OF MY HEART

by Moorea

Welcome traveler. I heard from the innkeeper that you were looking for me. Listen to my prattling, where are my manners? Here, sit on this crate.

You have information for me you say? Well then, let’s hear it. Please continue while I pour us a drink.

What? You’ve found my wife’s corpse? By all the gods of Azeroth, tell me what you’ve seen, traveler.

This information grieves my soul, friend. But I thank you for bringing this news to me. Here’s some ale, please drink.

Care to hear a tale while we drink, traveler? My wife and I were orphans, you see. We have loved each other since childhood. Many years ago, it came to Thrall’s attention that the orphans of the Horde were not being taken care of. He personally oversaw the construction of a proper orphanage and took pains to ensure our training to bring glory to our deceased parents and honor to the Horde. Excuse me, I need another drink. Do you require a refill? No?

Now where was I? Ah yes, Thrall. You see my personal crest over there? A crimson scimitar over a ring of fire? It was granted to me by our warchief for my successes on the battlefield after I became of age to begin my own clan. Alas, my wife is dead. We’ve no younglings to bring honor to the clan of Mankrik. There is nothing more to live for except vengeance. Those filthy spawn of pigs will pay for my wife’s death. Forgive me, I do so rattle on sometimes.

Will you perhaps be traveling to Ogrimmar? Yes? Would you honor me by doing one small favor? I am in your debt, stranger. My request is simple. Take this gemstone to Orphan Matron Battlewail in Ogrimmar. She will know what it means.

Eh? You want to know more? Very well traveler, I suppose you are owed this much. There were two gemstones given to us on our joining day from Matron Battlewail. They are called “Heartfire” stones. You see, when the gems are invoked during a joining ceremony, the Heartfire stones become linked to the souls of each participant. As you can see, the luster of my gem is gone. I knew then, that she was dead. But I did not know, until now, that the foul Bristlebacks mutilated my precious wife and stole her gem. Her spilt blood cries out to my soul through my silent stone. I can no longer bear it in my presence. Thanks to your description, friend, I know where to travel to and find her corpse. I want to see the marks upon her body, I want to see for myself … sorry, please forgive my weakness. Why does my ale barrel have to go dry at this very moment??

Now would you please depart from me, noble adventurer, I must prepare for the task ahead. I must avenge her, the fire of my heart.


Last edited by Moorea on Sun Mar 09, 2008 9:13 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Amaunator



Joined: 03 Dec 2005
Posts: 2074
Location: Belgium ... innocuous but intrepid!

PostPosted: Sat Aug 18, 2007 9:51 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Interesting concept. I remember once thinking 'and what about writing a thriller where the reader was the victim or the criminal?', but that one never really took off ^^ and I'm sure it's been done already.

It's awkward... It feels like a giant Anacoluthon Very Happy.

It feels like you left out too much.

"I can no longer to bear it in my presence."
--> That one error Rolling Eyes. An, funnily, it is a real anacoluthon Very Happy.
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