The Orcmar Shorts

Amaunator · Posted: Sat May 27, 2006 5:17 pm Post subject:

The dude has a point!

Onokos · Joined: 24 Apr 2006 Posts: 1933 Location: central FL

I agree, but does it really matter? We get the point, and it's not strange enough to throw off the flow of the story.
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"I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do the something that I can do. What I can do, I should do. And what I should do, by the grace of God, I will do." --Edward Everett Hale

Amaunator · Posted: Sat May 27, 2006 6:55 pm Post subject:

It's a mention. Any critique is valuable Smile

.

Onokos · Joined: 24 Apr 2006 Posts: 1933 Location: central FL

So you say ... Wink

_________________
"I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do the something that I can do. What I can do, I should do. And what I should do, by the grace of God, I will do." --Edward Everett Hale

Gilmar · Guest

Passages that may benefit from a re-think.

In "Honor": "They wore matching black shirts, with a white hand, palm out, crudely painted in dark green paint." A white hand painted in green paint?

In "Labor": "From behind the mud-brick wall came a sudden shuffling, followed by a muffled shout." But the mud-brick wall had not previously been described; it should be "a mud-brick wall". The wall with HORSE written on it is described as "rough sandstone", not as made of bricks, though that's where Horse seems to bust out of.

Also, let me see if I have this straight: as an initiation, a new recruit is sealed behind a brick wall and has to come out thru it. Then they have to rebuild it. So, what happens when another new recruit comes along? Does someone have to tear down the wall AGAIN and entomb the newbie? Seems inefficient. IIRC, in WoW graphics for inns & such, there can be several sleep niches in the wall. Maybe it's done only for the niche the recruit is in, once. But then that loses whatever symbolism "rebuild the wall" has.... If not breakfast, they should at least give him a sip of Amontillado for his efforts.

Will we find out what Horse's second-to-last task was? In "Starvation", the last sentence says it's coming, and the next story, "Loyalty", says "It had been months since the end of his second-to-last task...."

Albatros · Site Admin Joined: 15 Jul 2005 Posts: 2111