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Purple Steve



Joined: 21 Oct 2006
Posts: 153

PostPosted: Fri Mar 23, 2007 2:28 am    Post subject: Just a distraction Reply with quote

Evening all, I dont normally stray outside the WoM section of the board, but the RP has got my creative juices flowing and I'm getting back into the hang of writing, so I thought I'd try my hand at a story of my own. It's set just before the start of WoM, and im using the same character, mostly so that i can get a him a bit more developed, but also because I'm really enjoying writing him so it made sense to stay in familiar territory Smile
I haven't done any real writing for a good while, and it's 7am so I'm sure there are gonna be a few errors (especially 'cause of the switch to past tense), and all comments and criticisms are much appreciated. Enjoy Smile
___________________________________________________

It was the quiet he hated the most. The long journey back to Storm City had provided little in the way of entertainment, and the final leg seemed to be taking forever. He had decided to arrive at the city as a passenger on an innocuous mail coach to avoid drawing attention to himself, but the bumpy road, hard wooden seats and complete lack of conversation from the dull witted driver had quickly soured his mood, and now all he wanted was a hot meal, a few good drinks and a comfortable bed; unfortunately he had no accommodation awaiting him in the city, and was going to have to check into one of the city’s inns, which meant that his chances of getting any of those were slim at best. He leaned back against the rattling wooden wall of the cart and scowled at the thought, closing his eyes in a vain attempt to get some sleep, if only to kill time before they finally clattered into town.

A loud thud jolted him awake and he sat up quickly, a dagger appearing in his hand as if from nowhere. Quickly scanning his surroundings he noticed the head of an arrow sticking through the wooden wall opposite him and he swore under his breath, bandits more likely than not, and if they were desperate enough to rob a mail coach they were unlikely to bother with the usual pleasantries like “Your money or your life”. The hiss of another arrow cutting through the air and a brief scream of pain from the driver affirmed his assessment, and he swore again. Technically he had bought himself passage on this coach by promising his services as a guard, but it was too late for that now, there was no way he was going to take on a group of armed bandits already in a prepared ambush position, he was just going to have to make do with self preservation for the time being and see where that got him.

The sound of running feet alongside the cart spurred him into action. These carts rarely carried passengers so the attackers would be unlikely to search the back until they had the cart under control, but he still had to get out unseen.
“Cut those damn horses loose you idiot!” came a cry from the woods, just as the caravan lurched to the side as the pursuer pulled himself aboard and onto the drivers seat. In the darkness of the mail compartment Cade narrowed his eyes in concentration, reaching out to the shadows about him, and wrapping them around himself until he was totally cloaked in darkness, appearing as little more than another patch of shadow in the already dark night. The cart began to slow, and the clatter of hooves faded off into the distance, prompting him to make good his escape before he was trapped in the cart. Easing the catch on the door he waited for a bump in the road, then let it swing open, jumping out as he did so, trusting his spell to keep him concealed from watchful eyes, and rolling to the side of the road into the welcoming shadows between the trees.
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Aidinthel



Joined: 13 Mar 2006
Posts: 3145
Location: a series of lairs, each more secret than the last

PostPosted: Fri Mar 23, 2007 5:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Looks pretty good so far, keep it up.
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Amaunator



Joined: 03 Dec 2005
Posts: 2074
Location: Belgium ... innocuous but intrepid!

PostPosted: Sat Mar 24, 2007 8:09 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Didn't see anything that displeased me Wink. I like the detail on that little trick of magic you did there Wink. But don't go giving all the good bits away yet Wink.
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Randomdude



Joined: 18 Nov 2006
Posts: 601
Location: A box outside of your house

PostPosted: Sat Mar 24, 2007 10:35 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

That was pretty good.
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Sabredurid330



Joined: 27 Sep 2006
Posts: 503

PostPosted: Sat Mar 24, 2007 11:14 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Good beginning. Definitely has a solid hook that catches the reader. I can't wait to read the story and see a little further down the plot.
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Purple Steve



Joined: 21 Oct 2006
Posts: 153

PostPosted: Sat Mar 24, 2007 12:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

no worries amaunator, i'm keeping the best stuff up my sleeve Wink
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Purple Steve



Joined: 21 Oct 2006
Posts: 153

PostPosted: Sat Mar 24, 2007 2:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Cade paused, crouched next to a thick gnarled oak which overhung the road, waiting for the robbers to show themselves before he decided what to do. The dense clouds above parted to reveal a glowing full moon which lit the dark road, casting crisp shadows and dappling the forest floor with silver puddles of light.
The out of control mail cart rolled to a stop a short distance away, and a further three bandits rushed out of the trees on either side of the road to meet the one who had jumped on to the cart.
“Nice shooting Drak, that’s one mailcart that won’t be terrorising the world any longer” one of them laughed as he ran past Cade’s hiding place
“Oh shut up, I got the guy didn’t I? And besides, I’d like to see you make a shot like that first time in the dark”
“Carl!” Came the first voice again, who Cade guessed to be the leader from the way he was throwing his weight around. “I don’t appreciate all this running, what took you so bloody long to cut them horses free?”
“You don’t like it? You chase them next time rather than sitting on your fat arse in the trees waiting for us to do all the work for you. You’d better be right about this mail cart by the way, if there’s anything valuble inside then where are the guards, huh?”
“Relax, kid, there’ll be something. And if there isn’t we’ll just wait till another merchant comes along, we were just unlucky with that last guy”
The three had reached the cart, and were no longer shouting to each other, so Cade crept along the road towards them, sticking to the deep shadows of the trees even though his shadow cloak would probably have allowed him to walk right up beside them should he have wanted to. He had little trust in magic, and preferred to rely on it as little as possible.

“…more than just unlucky, Bret” The words drifted back to him as he edged closer to the immobile cart “not only was the guy broke but he put a bloody great hole in Jekkar’s arm. Those concealed guns should be made illegal”
This was met by a grunt by the fourth member of the party, a heavyset man with a large sword slung across his back, who was most likely the first sign of trouble to greet anyone travelling the road on foot.
“Look, just search the damn cart Carl, lets get out of here before a patrol shows up okay?”
A light spluttered into life as the youngest of the party lit an oil lamp and headed to the back of the cart, and Cade edged silently behind a tree- the light would burn through his spell just as easily as it would through any shadow
“Hey, why’s the door open already? Has someone already been through this?” He called to the others.
“Don’t worry about it” replied the leader, Bret “I saw it swing open when it the cart hit a bump, catch must have come loose or something. Just hurry up will you?”
There was the sound of rummaging in the back of the cart, and then Carl called back again
“Just bloody letters! Two sacks of letters, no parcels, no special deliveries, no wonder there weren’t any guards.”
“This is ridiculous Bret” came the voice of the archer from the front of the cart. “The drivers got no more’n a couple of silver on him and some cheap boots, there’s nothing of any worth in the cart. We’d be making more money polishing boots outside the City gates!”
“Look, we’ll get lucky soon, so unless you’ve got any better ideas, grab one of those bags and let’s get back to camp. We can sort through them and see if there’s anything worth having. Carl, you take the other one. Roth will be getting impatient”

Cade watched the four head back into the woods they had emerged from, the light from the oil lamp guiding their way. He was in no mood to walk the rest of the way to the city in the dark, and would need a horse to have a chance of making it any time before dawn. Guessing the robbers would probably have at least a couple of horses at their camp, he stepped out from his hiding place, and after checking his spell again he headed off after them, quiet as the shadows that cloaked him.
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Last edited by Purple Steve on Sat Mar 24, 2007 4:08 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Exodus



Joined: 26 Feb 2006
Posts: 2262
Location: P-Town represent!

PostPosted: Sat Mar 24, 2007 4:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
The three had reached the cart, and were no longer shouting to each other, so Cade crept along the road towards them, sticking to the deep shadows of the trees even though his shadow cloak would probably have allowed him to walk right up beside them should he have wanted to, but he had little trust in magic, and preferred to only rely on it when necessary.
Runon sentence, I believe. Otherwise, it looks like a nice story Razz.
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Purple Steve



Joined: 21 Oct 2006
Posts: 153

PostPosted: Sat Mar 24, 2007 4:06 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

fair shout, i wasn't too sure about that one when i was writing it, but forgot to go back and sort it, cheers Smile
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Randomdude



Joined: 18 Nov 2006
Posts: 601
Location: A box outside of your house

PostPosted: Sun Mar 25, 2007 7:48 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wow your are good writer
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"We few, we happy few, we band of brothers; For he to-day that sheds his blood with me Shall be my brother." - Solaris - Tír gan teanga, tír gan anam.
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Purple Steve



Joined: 21 Oct 2006
Posts: 153

PostPosted: Tue Mar 27, 2007 5:07 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm having a bit of trouble writing the next couple of sections- action is always difficult for me, so anything you notice that is amiss please point it out Smile

______________________________________________

Little more than ten minutes later Cade noticed a faint orange glow in the trees up ahead, just as the leader of the triumphant, but disheartened, raiding party called out the final member, Cade assumed, of the group, who had been left behind to watch the camp. As they approached closer he saw a bulky silhouette stand up from his crouched position by the fire, his back to them.
“I hope you got something to lift my spirits, ‘cause we’re eating rabbit again and the whiskey is almost out” he growled. An orc, Cade figured from his slouched posture and guttural tone. On the far side of the fire three horses stood tethered to a tree, absently chewing the grass around them, raising their heads briefly to watch the party coming into the clearing and taking seats around the fire.
“You three start going through those bags. Roth, how’s that meal coming on?” said Bret, sitting down next to the big orc
“More mailbags Bret?” rumbled Roth, obviously just as displeased with the groups fortunes as the others
“Leave it, we’ll get lucky soon. I’m starving, where’s that food?”
“We’re all hungry Bret, we’ve been eating damn rabbit for two weeks” The orc exclaimed angrily “What are you going to…”
The noise of a stick snapping in the woods behind him cut him off suddenly, and all five turned to look in the direction the sound had come from. After a brief pause, Bret turned back to the fire.
“Probably just a fox or something.” He muttered “Drak, go check it out”
“Oh to hell with you! You aren’t doing anything useful, you check it out!” The archer retorted in annoyance. Bret snarled and pulled out a dagger, pointing it across the fire at him.
“Unless you want me to cut your throat from ear to ear while you sleep, you do as I say, get it?” he growled. The archer glared at him for a second, then picked up his bow and quiver, stood and walked to the edge of the clearing, shaking his head in annoyance. He paused at the tree line for a second, peering into the dark woods before creeping out of the clearing towards the source of the noise.
Fallen leaves rustled beneath his feet as he sneaked through the dark woods, keeping his eyes peeled for any sign of intruders. The forest was quiet, save for the muted crackling of the campfire behind him and the sound of the breeze in the tree tops.
“There’s nothing here, must have just been some kind of…” He was cut off suddenly, a fine wire loop had dropped over his head from the tree above, tightening around his throat and pulling him a few inches off the ground. He clawed ineffectually at the wire with his fingers, struggling to find even enough air to call for help while his feet searched for purchase on the air beneath them, managing only to stir a few leaves with the toes of his boots.
“Drak?” Bret’s voice came drifting over from the camp “Is there something there?” He listened for a moment waiting for a reply, then pointed to Carl and Jekkar, motioning them to find out what was going on. The two men picked up their weapons and silently stood to follow Drak.
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"People should not be afraid of their Government. The Government should be afraid of their people"


Last edited by Purple Steve on Wed Mar 28, 2007 9:18 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Exodus



Joined: 26 Feb 2006
Posts: 2262
Location: P-Town represent!

PostPosted: Tue Mar 27, 2007 12:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Excelent. I was gonna say that he should've snuck through the woods rather than sneaked through them, but it turns at that they're both words in the dictionary so either work Razz.
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Purple Steve



Joined: 21 Oct 2006
Posts: 153

PostPosted: Thu Mar 29, 2007 11:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

A few minutes later, a horrified cry pierced the tranquil night.
“Oh gods!” Carl recoiled in horror, loosing his footing and tumbling to the floor as he staggered backwards. Jekkar appeared seconds later to find the youngster lying frozen in the leaves, staring up at the bloated face of his former companion, with his eyes glazed over in terror. A shaft of moonlight cutting through the tree canopy played cruelly on the dead mans face, highlighting the twisted, tortured expression that had been permanently fixed on his face in death. The big man swore, and swung his sword at the barely visible metal wire above the dead archers head, slicing easily through and sending the still twitching body to collapse in a heap on the forest floor.
Turning to Carl, still frozen in fear on the ground, he leaned down and offered the youngster his hand
“Lets get back to the others lad, hurry” whispered the swordsman. Carl pushed himself up onto one elbow and reached out to grasp the offered hand, his eyes glistening as the moonlight reflected off the tears of panic freely streaming down his cheeks. Before Carl could pull himself up, Jekkar suddenly pulled his hand back and grabbed his sword again, staring into the darkness behind Carl’s head. There was a wet sounding thud, and the hilt of a knife suddenly sprouted from the large fighter’s eye. The terrified youngster, still on the floor, could only watch as he toppled backwards in almost slow motion, the large sword dropping from his fingers as he fell to the ground, stirring up a cloud of leaves as he landed.
Carl opened his mouth to scream again, but no sound would come out. The fear finally got the better of him, and he threw himself to his feet and sprinted back to the camp, ducking and weaving between trees to avoid a second dagger finding his back as he ran.

Stumbling through the trees at the edge of the clearing he called to Bret and Roth, who were already standing weapons in hand, having heard the commotion in the wood.
“Th… there’s someone out there! Drak and Jekkar are dead, I… I lost my sword, oh gods, they’re dead!” he stammered as he ran. As he reached Roth he tripped on an exposed root, sending him tumbling to the ground to land in a shivering heap at the orc’s feet. He looked up with pleading eyes, face still damp with fear
“You’ve got to help me” he whimpered. The burly orc looked annoyed and stepped past Carl, passing him a dagger to replace the sword he had dropped and hefting his axe as he scanned the woods the youngster had burst out of, waiting for any sign of the assassin.
“What did you see Carl? How many of them were there?” called Bret from the other side of the fire.
“I… I didn’t see anything! They just… died” whimpered the terrified youth
“Well stop your damn whining and get up, lets kill this son of a dog for them! Keep your eyes peeled and your backs to the fire, make him come to us.”
There was a rustle in the bushes near Roth, and the three robbers turned quickly to face the sound. The big orc growled, and beckoned Carl over to him.
“When he comes out,” he whispered “get behind him and stick that knife somewhere it’ll hurt, ill keep his attention on me”. Carl nodded, still shaking slightly, but with adrenaline rather than fear now, Roth noted approvingly. The youth would take a lot from this night if he survived.
There was a murmur behind them, and the light from the dying fire flared up suddenly, as if the glowing logs had been disturbed. Spinning round they realised why- their erstwhile leader was lying face first in the fire pit, a dagger sticking from the back of his neck. Roth swore, and looked around the still empty clearing in panic, grabbing Carl’s shoulder to stop him from losing control again.
“There’s more than one” he growled “We’ve got to get out of here lad, quickly, get to the horses, ill be right behind you”
Carl nodded, almost tripping over his own feet as he began to sprint to where the horses were tied up on the other side of the clearing. Roth looked around again, then followed, running in stops and starts, zig-zagging across the grass to make himself a more difficult target for the still unseen assassin, and keeping a close eye on the trees around them.
The horses had picked up on the panic in the camp, and were shifting nervously, shaking their heads from side to side and flicking their tails restlessly. The dying embers of the fire behind flared up again as Bret’s hair and shirt caught alight, and the shadows around the two robbers began to flicker and move as a breeze caught the flames and made them dance a macabre dance over the body of their friend.

Carl had reached the horses, and begun untying them when Roth, a few meters behind him noticed one of the shadows detach itself from the trees and move towards his unprotected back.
“Carl! Look out!” He cried, but it was too late. The shadow dissolved to reveal a man in dark leather clothing, a slightly curved long knife in each hand, standing over the youth. As Carl turned and stood one of the blades flicked out towards him, slicing through his neck and sending him tumbling to the floor, dead before he landed.
“No!” Yelled the orc, and he launched himself at the assassin, swinging his heavy axe wildly. Cade dodged nimbly to one side, then circled the enraged orc until he stood between him and the fire, avoiding the frantic swings. Roth leapt again, swinging his axe in a large arc intended to smash into the man’s chest, but Cade leapt back out of reach once more, still not using his knives to block the axe but relying on his own agility to avoid the clumsy blows. A few more nimble leaps backwards and he felt the warmth of the fire on his back, the orange glow of the flames reflecting off the bezerk orc’s face gave him a demonic look as he stepped forwards once more to continue his attack. Still waiting for an opening, the assassin rolled to one side beneath the orc’s wild backswing, coming to his feet beside him ready to strike. Roth reacted quickly, turning to face the human and reversing his swing to strike at his head, but Cade was more prepared, and the orc was getting tired. Lifting both blades, Cade stepped into the path of the swing before Roth could get any real force behind his axe and caught the blade on his knives, then planted his foot in the orc’s chest and put all his weight behind a powerful shove, pushing the large orc backwards to land sprawling by the fire. Roth yelled in anger and pain as his left hand landed in the burning embers, and he quickly pulled himself to his feet, grabbing the end of a half smouldering log as he stood and advanced once more.

This time Cade didn’t wait for Roth to come to him, stepping forward he ducked the axe as the orc swung at him, striking upwards to stab his arm, and then rolling away before he could recover. Another lightning fast flick of his blade opened a gash on the orc’s leg as he passed, before diving away and rolling to his feet well out of reach. The orc staggered as he turned, his face a mask of pure rage he charged towards Cade bellowing a thunderous war cry, ignoring his wounds in a fit of bezerk fury as he swung the burning log. The assassin spun his long knives in his hands as he jumped back; catching them in a reverse grip, then stepped in to meet Roth’s charge. Stepping slightly to the left Cade positioned himself directly in the path of a heavy overhand swing, lifting his arm above his head to intercept the blow. At the last moment he dropped to one knee, tilting the dagger as he did so and shifting his weight to the left, letting the axe slide off his blade and redirecting the swing across the orc’s body. The lack of resistance caught Roth by surprise and he stumbled forwards off balance, the axe blade burying itself in the earth. Before he could recover, Cade twisted his body and thrust his second knife back and up, sliding it between the orc’s ribs, before standing and hammering his first blade into the base of his neck, severing his spine and silencing his anguished cry.

The fire was dying down now, and the nauseating smell of burning flesh permeated the crisp night air. Cade tugged his knives from the dead orc’s body and walked over to the restless horses, preparing himself for the ride ahead.
____________________________________________

man, that was a chore to write Very Happy good fun, but i must have done each sentence about 3 times, so any feedback would be very much appreciated.

Is it a bit long winded for such a short series of events? I tend to get a bit caught up in the details sometimes....

P.S. i'm gonna take a short break from writing this, i have loads of other work i need to be doing, but i'll get back on it in a week or so Smile
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Last edited by Purple Steve on Thu Mar 29, 2007 11:39 pm; edited 2 times in total
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Aidinthel



Joined: 13 Mar 2006
Posts: 3145
Location: a series of lairs, each more secret than the last

PostPosted: Thu Mar 29, 2007 11:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Purple Steve wrote:
P.S. i'm gonna take a short break from writing this, i have loads of other work i need to be doing, but i'll get back on it in a week or so Smile
Similar words from other writers on this site have resulted in months of absence.
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Purple Steve



Joined: 21 Oct 2006
Posts: 153

PostPosted: Thu Mar 29, 2007 11:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm having too much fun with this to stop, don't worry Smile

The trouble at the moment is that I've got a ridiculous amount of work and i'm faaaar too good at putting it off, this writing gives me the perfect excuse not to do it so i'm gonna have to put it on hold for a while.
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