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The Hunt for Ghostfang - Chapter 1 of 4

 
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Exodus



Joined: 26 Feb 2006
Posts: 2262
Location: P-Town represent!

PostPosted: Wed Aug 15, 2007 3:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm not sure, but wasn't ghostfang a wolf in Mulgore? If I'm remember right, he was supposed to reside to the north of thunderbluff, but I never once found him and I don't think he actually existed.
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Albatros
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Joined: 15 Jul 2005
Posts: 2111

PostPosted: Wed Aug 15, 2007 4:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

If you can have more than one Hakkar, you can have more than one Ghostfang...
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Exodus



Joined: 26 Feb 2006
Posts: 2262
Location: P-Town represent!

PostPosted: Wed Aug 15, 2007 4:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

True enough, although as far as I know there's Hakkar in ZG and Hakkar's Avatar in ST. It really is a great read though, and the thrill of the hunt isn't even upon us yet.
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Giovanni



Joined: 07 Jul 2007
Posts: 278
Location: a quaint little place called my mind.

PostPosted: Wed Aug 15, 2007 5:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

very well done.
I'm not as good a writer as you but I've done more than my fair share of reading for a 13 yr old, so I'm a bit of a stickler when it comes to grammar.
so there are a few (very few actually good job =P) poor word choices in your story. The only one that bothered me much was here:
Quote:
Hemetís only blood-related living relative

you've, in essence, said relative twice because it is the root of related so saying someone is "blood-related" clearly means that they are a relative.
Now I can understand also if you wanted to put it to show that the person had not married into the family but you don't have to because you explain it's his son at the end of the same sentence.
You don't have to change it, it was just bothering me...
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Last edited by Giovanni on Thu Aug 16, 2007 8:37 am; edited 1 time in total
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Albatros
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Joined: 15 Jul 2005
Posts: 2111

PostPosted: Wed Aug 15, 2007 5:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Relatives can be non-blood-related, though. Maybe "Living blood-relations" would make you happy though? Smile
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Giovanni



Joined: 07 Jul 2007
Posts: 278
Location: a quaint little place called my mind.

PostPosted: Wed Aug 15, 2007 5:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

i did say that didn't I? Neutral
Quote:
Now I can understand also if you wanted to put it to show that the person had not married into the family but you don't have to because you explain it's his son at the end of the same sentence.


and why talk to someone who's not living? Even if they were undead, the more I think about it the less that makes sense. >.>

I'm sry but it's hard for me not to try and correct poor word choice, it's the only thing to do with writing that I feel I'm any good at. I can't spell for a dime.
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Ulkarr



Joined: 23 Jul 2005
Posts: 598
Location: Brisbane

PostPosted: Thu Aug 16, 2007 1:28 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
I'm not sure, but wasn't ghostfang a wolf in Mulgore? If I'm remember right, he was supposed to reside to the north of thunderbluff, but I never once found him and I don't think he actually existed.


Yes there is one in mulgore. I saw him once when i was on a fp.
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Exodus



Joined: 26 Feb 2006
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PostPosted: Thu Aug 16, 2007 11:59 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

You actually saw him... :/. You have no idea how long I looked for him and never found him. I guess just like Hemet and his father.
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